Yesterday the troupe and I discovered that we live with a mad man! Mr. Steady-As-A-Rock got knocked off his axis! It was damn scary!
We have new neighbors. They bought the house next door, 4 bedroom, 3 bath, for about $200,000. Not such a good deal! It's been empty for over two years, everything that could be stolen was stolen, yard mostly dead and, turns out, there is a mad man living next door!
The people who bought it are extremely flora-challenged. They chopped down at least 5 trees in the back yard and two little trees in the front. There was an 8' hedge across the front of their yard that was at least 3' thick. Mad-man did trim the hedge back from the sidewalk this spring but it was still very thick. The flora-challenged folk hacked the hedge down to ten 3' sticks with 4 or 5 leaves at the top of each stick. Those poor sticks have never been naked, until now. They are exposed to direct sunlight in triple digit Redding heat (108 the day of the massacre). It is in the middle of a drought, extreme heat, and over 99% pruned. (Can You spell Shock and Trauma?)
Don't bother looking up Shrubbery Protective Services in your phone book or Google. It's a sad world we live in.
As we pull in to our driveway yesterday after church, the flora-challenged (wait, that's a lot to say each time I speak of those people; let's just call them the idiots!)
We pull into driveway and one of the idiots is standing on our lawn, attacking our 6' bushes with cutting tools. She had already cut away about 70% of the greenery, leaving the trunks exposed to sun.
Bye-bye privacy screen.
Mad-man slammed on brakes, and was out of the car before we came to a complete stop!
"What are you doing?" he yelled to idiot.
"Trimming my bushes!" she smiled back.
"Those are my bushes!" yelled red-faced Mad-man. (Mad-man never gets red-faced....ever!)
"Well, I am just helping you!" Idiot kept clipping away at greenery.
"I don't want your help!" Mad-man actually got louder (Mad-man never gets loud....ever!)
"But see, here," clip, clip, clip, "and here" clip, clip, clip...
"Stop!"
"But I'm helping you!"
"Stop! Stop right now. I don't want your help!"
"Well!" Surprise! Idiot displays indignation! "These bushes are on my side of the property line."
She did quickly step on her side of bushes, continuing to snip away at random stems.
"STOP! CUTTING! RIGHT! NOW!"
Mad-man stomps into our house and starts pacing. (Mad-man never paces....ever!) Back and forth he paces. His fists are deep red, almost purple against his bright white knuckles. He paces some more.
I tell him to take a deep breath and he just stares at me with big mad-man eyes.
He heads back out the front door to make sure she has stopped.
There are now ten people standing in her yard, our yard and the street trying to decide where the property line is.
Mad-man stomps back into house. He paces more, mutters a couple of not-nice words under his breath. (Mad-man does occasionally mutter not-nice words under his breath but the breath and not-nice words are typically not accompanied by spit! Spit was present and accounted for!)
I was afraid my normally calm husband was going to have a stroke in the middle of our family room.
"Dead Man Walking!" Bill whispered in my head! Of course, I smiled. Bill does amuse me at times.
Mad-man scowled at my smile.
Mrs. Richardson suggested we call the police and report the vandalism and get on with changing out of our church clothes so that we might start in on our Sunday chores.
"Let's go knock the shit out of those idiots! Who's with me?" Beatrice is always ready to knock the stuffing out of anybody for anything. Not that she would actually do any of the "knocking" but she incites the fight and sits back and calls all the "sissy punches"!
Carly-Anne and Ms. Machado disappeared in the shadows. BabaMara kicked off our shoes and poured us a glass of cold Riesling. I really like BabaMara.
She made us popcorn, just in case there were any further encounters with the idiots.
The idiots disappeared inside the shell of a house. Half an hour later they were tossing kitchen cabinets out onto the lawn. Frankly, I've never seen happier kitchen cabinets. They were probably relieved not to have to share space with the idiots!
Last night, as we prepared for bed, all of us (except Mad-man) knelt at the side of the bed and prayed.
Dear God,
Please bring energy to the poor bushes outside, help them survive.
Please help Mad-man return to his Solid-Rock state of being.
Please, have mercy on our household and make the idiots next door be flippers and not residents.
Thank you for the Reisling.
Amen.
We have new neighbors. They bought the house next door, 4 bedroom, 3 bath, for about $200,000. Not such a good deal! It's been empty for over two years, everything that could be stolen was stolen, yard mostly dead and, turns out, there is a mad man living next door!
The people who bought it are extremely flora-challenged. They chopped down at least 5 trees in the back yard and two little trees in the front. There was an 8' hedge across the front of their yard that was at least 3' thick. Mad-man did trim the hedge back from the sidewalk this spring but it was still very thick. The flora-challenged folk hacked the hedge down to ten 3' sticks with 4 or 5 leaves at the top of each stick. Those poor sticks have never been naked, until now. They are exposed to direct sunlight in triple digit Redding heat (108 the day of the massacre). It is in the middle of a drought, extreme heat, and over 99% pruned. (Can You spell Shock and Trauma?)
Don't bother looking up Shrubbery Protective Services in your phone book or Google. It's a sad world we live in.
As we pull in to our driveway yesterday after church, the flora-challenged (wait, that's a lot to say each time I speak of those people; let's just call them the idiots!)
We pull into driveway and one of the idiots is standing on our lawn, attacking our 6' bushes with cutting tools. She had already cut away about 70% of the greenery, leaving the trunks exposed to sun.
Bye-bye privacy screen.
Mad-man slammed on brakes, and was out of the car before we came to a complete stop!
"What are you doing?" he yelled to idiot.
"Trimming my bushes!" she smiled back.
"Those are my bushes!" yelled red-faced Mad-man. (Mad-man never gets red-faced....ever!)
"Well, I am just helping you!" Idiot kept clipping away at greenery.
"I don't want your help!" Mad-man actually got louder (Mad-man never gets loud....ever!)
"But see, here," clip, clip, clip, "and here" clip, clip, clip...
"Stop!"
"But I'm helping you!"
"Stop! Stop right now. I don't want your help!"
"Well!" Surprise! Idiot displays indignation! "These bushes are on my side of the property line."
She did quickly step on her side of bushes, continuing to snip away at random stems.
"STOP! CUTTING! RIGHT! NOW!"
Mad-man stomps into our house and starts pacing. (Mad-man never paces....ever!) Back and forth he paces. His fists are deep red, almost purple against his bright white knuckles. He paces some more.
I tell him to take a deep breath and he just stares at me with big mad-man eyes.
He heads back out the front door to make sure she has stopped.
There are now ten people standing in her yard, our yard and the street trying to decide where the property line is.
Mad-man stomps back into house. He paces more, mutters a couple of not-nice words under his breath. (Mad-man does occasionally mutter not-nice words under his breath but the breath and not-nice words are typically not accompanied by spit! Spit was present and accounted for!)
I was afraid my normally calm husband was going to have a stroke in the middle of our family room.
"Dead Man Walking!" Bill whispered in my head! Of course, I smiled. Bill does amuse me at times.
Mad-man scowled at my smile.
Mrs. Richardson suggested we call the police and report the vandalism and get on with changing out of our church clothes so that we might start in on our Sunday chores.
"Let's go knock the shit out of those idiots! Who's with me?" Beatrice is always ready to knock the stuffing out of anybody for anything. Not that she would actually do any of the "knocking" but she incites the fight and sits back and calls all the "sissy punches"!
Carly-Anne and Ms. Machado disappeared in the shadows. BabaMara kicked off our shoes and poured us a glass of cold Riesling. I really like BabaMara.
She made us popcorn, just in case there were any further encounters with the idiots.
The idiots disappeared inside the shell of a house. Half an hour later they were tossing kitchen cabinets out onto the lawn. Frankly, I've never seen happier kitchen cabinets. They were probably relieved not to have to share space with the idiots!
Last night, as we prepared for bed, all of us (except Mad-man) knelt at the side of the bed and prayed.
Dear God,
Please bring energy to the poor bushes outside, help them survive.
Please help Mad-man return to his Solid-Rock state of being.
Please, have mercy on our household and make the idiots next door be flippers and not residents.
Thank you for the Reisling.
Amen.
Mixed white paint and water, 50/50, and painted newly exposed stems and branches. Poured Vit B mixture on roots. Now it's a wait and see!
ReplyDelete